Celebrity matchmaker Rachel DeAlto has helped countless people find love. And, in her latest chat with Gotham, she dishes on why the summer could be the season you find your perfect match.
Do you think there’s success in using dating apps? Which ones do you prefer that people who want a serious relationship should use?
RACHEL DEALTO: There is absolutely success in dating apps. I think it’s just in the perception of online dating because apps are something that everybody is on. I suggest that everyone should be on a couple. I think the Match app is a great starter because it is intentional dating. If people are interested in seeing what is out there, they will go on Tinder. I am a firm believer in app usage.
Match the dating app, formerly Match.com, predicts that Sunday, July 7 will be the hottest day of summer for dating. How do we know that this is the day for the most success in dating? Is summer the best season to find love?
RD: Match has found that on July 7 there will be a 20 percent increase in usage on the app than there is on Valentine’s Day. Match can predict this because they study everything. I think it is a great time to put yourself out there because more people will be using the apps. More people are going to be focused on dating and I think it’s because July 7 is that mid-summer point. They have gotten through July 4th and maybe they haven’t met anybody yet and they are thinking, “Oh, it may be nice to have someone.” I think summer is a time to find love and it’s a time for people to explore their options and we see this repeatedly where maybe they don’t want to commit right away. The fall, when we get to cuffing season, is where people think, “Wait a second, I better lock somebody down.” I think summertime is a very flirtatious time. It doesn’t mean that you can’t find love but I don’t think people initially want to jump into a serious relationship but explore their options.
You have helped match even the most difficult people, what do these individuals have in common and what couldn’t they let go of?
RD: I think anyone who is getting back into the dating world after a really long time has their guard up. People are so afraid of getting hurt or showing who they are. They may be afraid of connecting with people or being vulnerable. That’s the biggest thing that I see over and over again. The biggest block between someone and a healthy, loving relationship is fear. Everyone has different fears but a lot of times it is self-worth. There is a fear of showing people who they really are and the cure to that is just telling yourself, “I am awesome as I am and I don’t care about the extra gray hairs or the lines that are forming on my face.” Unfortunately, none of this relates to 20-year-olds. But accepting who you are and being willing to take risks is key.
What tips should serious New York singles follow if they want to turn their summer fling into a real thing?
RD: If you’re in a fling situation, try and recognize a relationship for what it is. You can’t turn an apple into an orange; it just doesn’t happen. If you know there’s no potential and the person that you’re in a fling with is very insistent in not being in a relationship, do not take that as a challenge. Recognizing what is possible is the first step. The second step is to be patient with it because you’re trying to shift the energy and foundation of this budding relationship. Start to integrate your lives a bit more such as meeting friends and meeting family. But by making more plans in a gradual way, you don’t want to shift gears quickly and then realize that they weren’t ready.
What are some of the best pick-up lines that both men and women can use?
RD: This is so funny because we study this and this is a question that we get asked a lot on Match. I would just say, “Hi!” Say “Hi, my name is...” Have something interesting to ask them about one of their photos or something in their profile is good too. For instance, “You said you liked to cook, what is your favorite dish?” or “I see you petting a tiger, did you almost die?” Find something to ask a question about that doesn’t feel creepy. Don’t start off with a compliment like, “You have beautiful eyes.” Show that you have an interest in that person. If you don’t have anything else to say or ask just say, “Hey, I hope you’re having an awesome summer.” I think we think that there needs to be a crazy script that will lead you to promised land but that’s not the way it is. It is way simpler than that.
What is the best way to breakup with someone?
RD: I think it depends on the length of the relationship. If you have only gone out for a couple of dates then you can end it over text. But if you’ve been dating for a while and you realize that this is not what you want, use relative honesty. Be honest with what is relative to the ending of the relationship without being cruel or unkind to the person that you’re with. You can say, “I just don’t think that we have a connection and I don’t think that it is best to move forward with us.” I always air on the side of kindness. This world is so small so don’t burn bridges.
Do you feel men are too afraid to date in this “Me Too” movement?
RD: I don’t think so. I think that there are conversations surrounding it but I think that everyone should approach others with respect and kindness. Whether you have been exposed to something regarding the “Me Too” movement or a situation that made you uncomfortable or if you’re concerned in this atmosphere, as long as everyone approaches every situation with the respect and kindness that you would want a loved one to receive, we’re good.
What is the best ice breaker for when you see someone that you’re interested in but are too anxious to talk to them?
RD: Eye contact is a great ice breaker especially for women who are too afraid to make the approach and I get it. Guys have had more experience with approaching women… you know, throw a piece of spaghetti on the wall and see what sticks, haha. I always say making eye contact is a great ice breaker. Make that eye contact, look away and then make that eye contact again to see if there’s that connection. Typically that should be enough to get an approach or otherwise, level it up to a smile and say, “Hi.” I know people are afraid of rejection but it is just a greeting.
Photography by: Photography by Justin Borucki